April Fool's Story
by Earl Cardinal
Summary: Keima finds that humor comes in a variety of forms, especially during April Fool's. Guaranteed to make you laugh, or your money back. Oh wait. . . .
1. Billy Mays Promises

**Alright, so sue me for making all these stories that cash in on holidays. I enjoy them.**

**Well, here's another one.**

**I admit, the plot isn't great, but it's just an excuse for this to be made anyways.**

**There's also an epilogue, if you wait. No promises on its quality, however.**

**None of the characters belong to me. Tamaki Wakaki owns them. I simply own the plot.**

**Also, have you heard? The TWGOK manga is ending. Sad, isn't it?**

* * *

Keima woke up that day with much vigor.

It was the weekend, and Elsi, along with Mari were out that day. Elsi had been distracted by some magazines from Chihiro that entire week, and Mari had (unwillingly) went back to Keima's grandfather due to the fact that Keima's father, Keiichi, requested she visit to deliver him a new pair of glasses from the city.

Stretching, he reveled in quietness that morning offered. He had finished some galges the other night, and seeing he had all the time left that day, he could make some good progress with his games.

But where was his PFP he been charging last night?

Looking around, he didn't see the familiar shape of his handheld console on his desk, where he had left it.

Well, maybe Elsi had unplugged it for him. He doubted it though. It seemed he would have to get another one to finish up this week's due.

Pulling out a drawer to reveal dozens of PFPs, he selected one before leaving the bedroom with another gal game.

* * *

Luckily for him, Mari had promised to leave some food for his breakfast.

After polishing off the relatively simple meal, he decided to instead of going out to buy some more galges at day, to instead stay home and leisurely finish off those he had bought previously.

. . . . . . . . . . .

With only the occasional beep and quiet voice actors easing out their lines, Keima felt he was in his element. That day was a rare example of when he was content.

And then the first problem came knocking on his home.

Startled, the gamer cautiously slides the door ajar, and for good reason, as the heavily dressed and glasses-wearing vigilante was the right out of any homeowner's nightmare.

But for Keima, he only breathed a sigh of relief, as it was only Kanon.

Well, not only Kanon, as she was one of the most famous idols in Japan, but Keima knew someone else besides the idol would have caused much more drama and problems. Yet, it was her first time at his home...

Still, the question over why she was here was still unanswered...

Ushering her in, Kanon quickly unravels the disguise, and her head burst out in waves of her signature pink hair.

'Keima-kun! I rushed here after my audition. You sounded really urgent with your email. Do you want me to do something!?'

Her ecstatic demeanor was something that she always seemed to have when Kanon first sees Keima. As such, it was expected.

But an email? From him? He didn't remember doing anything like it...

Before Keima asks her about it, he feels a buzz in his pocket.

Pulling out his PFP which he had been playing on, he finds an email from his family doctor to have been sent.

'What's the email?'

Tilting her head, Kanon gives a slight smile.

'Can I see?'

Internally groaning, Keima knew for a fact it would cause more problems if he didn't show Kanon.

'Here.'

Leaving space for her to poke her head, he opened up the email.

* * *

_"Katsuragi, I have done a recent medical check on you, and you have a rare case of influenza. Despite our best efforts we will not be able to help your eventual demise, which is in a week._

_I will inform your mother tomorrow._

_Condolences,_

_Doctor Fuezaki"_

* * *

. . . . . . . . . .

Although Keima felt some apprehension upon seeing this, but it was more on the fact that this unknown person knowing his email.

The false nature of the message was quite obvious.

That wasn't what Kanon did, though.

Oh no, she quite badly.

'Keima-kun...you didn't tell me you were going to die...'

The gamer froze in fear. This wasn't happening.

Facing no resistance, Kanon slipped the PFP out of his hand.

Rereading the message, Kanon didn't seem surprised at the least, at only innocently blinks at the Keima.

Keima knew he was doomed from the start. Whoever had set this prank up, had definitely a good idea of what would ensue.

* * *

Given that choice, he bolted to the door.

Despite having some warped sense of justice telling him it was wrong to abandon Kanon right now, he was far more aware of the fact that he would likely never be out of Kanon's grasp for a good portion of this week.

The prank had most certainly worked, but it wasn't funny, and he was booking it.

Sliding the lock past, he stumbled last the threshold in his hastily stuffed shoes.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

He was confronted by the last thing he would expect to see.

Every single girl he had ever conquered.

Damn.

It was really impressive to see them all lined up, but damn.

Ayumi, Mio, Shiori, Kusunoki, Chihiro, Jun, Tsukiyo, Minami, Tenri, Sumire, Nanaka, Yui, and Hinoki.

'I emailed you back like 10 times after track practice! I thought you were dead already!'

'I ran from the convenience store, and to see this! You're dead, you hear me!'

'. . . . . .K...Ka-'

'There was a sale on tape at the martial arts store, Katsuragi. I had so many hard and soft rolls! But your email ruined that outing!'

'Katsuragi, you better have an explanation for interrupting my meat bun time..'

'K..Katsuragi! I was teaching! Do you know how embaressing it is to enforce rules against using phones during class only to break that rule yourself!?'

'. . . . . .Luna isn't happy with you, and neither am I.'

'S-senpai! Are you alright? I came as fast as I could after swim practice!'

'While I would like to that you for giving me exercise when I was running here, I spilled all that ramen on that customer! Come to think of it, the whole thing was pretty funny...'

'Katsuragi. . . '

'Just so you know, dying on me isn't going to stop this romance.'

...Yui's comment deserved special note for being _very_ disturbing.

'Guess what I brought back from America? Some S&M materials! But what did you contract, herpes? Haha. But look at this mess...'

He was surrounded.

He was outnumbered.

He was dead.

Maybe that "prediction" was true, to some degree.

But instead of a week left to live, Keima could see that he had a minute left.

* * *

**_"Ha ha, Keima, that's what you get."_**

**. . . .Is obviously not what you're thinking after reading this.**

**You know, I have to ask: do April Fool's stories have to be funny? Can they be dark or disappointing? Because honestly, April Fool's itself isn't very funny. You make people do things that are idiotic op and you laugh. It's not a "together" sort of laugh. It's more of a "at you" sort of laughter. And that isn't always appreciated, is it?**

**You may think the ending to be loose and humorless.**

* * *

**_". . . . .But wait there's more!"_**

**Says the famous American Billy Mays.**

**I still have one chapter left. An epilogue of sorts.**

**And trust me, if you thought this was bad, wait till you get a load of the next one.**


	2. Billy Mays Delivers

**Well, how about that. The mystery is to be resolved.**

**Must admit, as said previously, the plot is definitely just your average, "what a coincidence" deal. I'm sorry, but I can't offer that much in something only made a week or two in advance.**

* * *

The invisible witnesses above Café Grandpa clutched their hagoromo whilst observing the fate of Keima.

'Haqua, is this really funny?'

She shrugged in a disinterested manner while fondoling the PFP in her hand.

It simply displayed a blank white screen, with small print in the middle.

* * *

_"14 Messages sent. 1,349 Messages received."_

* * *

'Look, this was your idea, Elsi. I feel like we should do something though...'

The pair revert back to their thoughtful silence.

Which Haqua quickly breaks once more when she stumbles upon the realization.

'Oh right, we're supposed to be laughing. I don't know, Elsi, I thought you said Katsuragi would appreciate this. Because I'm not.'

Elsi only responds by frowning at Haqua's lack of faith, and pulled out the article as evidence.

'But Chihiro-chan had given me the magazine that was talking about it, and she asked me to do it on Kami-sama. Chihiro-chan looks like she's having fun, too.'

Although Haqua honestly doubted that, she gave Elsi the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was right.

. . . . . . . . . .

Then again, Katsuragi was getting mauled _pretty_ viciously.

'Elsi, I think we should end it about now.'

'I...I guess so, Haqua.'

The duo land nearby, reverting to a visible form.

Always useful to be able to turn invisible.

'Besides, Elsi, you aren't really the funny type, do you? All throughout school you never made a joke.'

That made sense, considering she was mostly failing tests and worrying about keeping up with the lesson as she remembered.

Elsi seemed to agree, but she still pouted at Haqua's blunt remark. If only she knew what Haqua was going to say...

'But I learned a lot from the magazine! Chihiro promised they would make anyone laugh.'

The other demon only rolled her eyes sarcastically.

'I don't think when the creators of those jokes that they would ever add _demons_ into the equation.'

This only went on to fuel Elsi's stubborn belief.

'Fine!'

Flipping to a Miscellaneous section, she glanced at the short segment of words describing what she was to do.

'Hey, Elsi, just give it up, I'm not in the mood and Katsuragi looks like he won't be smiling anytime soon either. So let's to alre-'

Pulling a defiant face, Elsi did the unimaginable.

'Kancho!'

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Needless to say, Keima wasn't saved at all, and Haqua didn't laugh.

* * *

**Isn't that hilarious.**

**Ha. Ha. Ha.**

**Truly the landmark story of the Humor description.**

**Also, if you don't know what "Kancho" is, search it up. But don't blame me if all those tentacles you see in anime/manga make a lot more sense, in a bad way.**

**. . . . . . . . . . . .**

**And, for you cynical authors out there, why don't you make your own April 1st story?**

**As for those disappointed readers out there...**

**You should have set a lower expectancy scale for me.**

**This is a rushed project, so what did you think you would read?**

**Anyways, finally I can unhiatus all my other stories.**

**Or some, at least.**

**_Happy April Fool's, everyone. _**

**Be happy that I didn't just put gibberish in here and say it was a _joke_ all along.**

**That'd be still funny, right?**

**Right?**


End file.
